Monday, July 31, 2006

Monday July 31st, 2006

Okay, the inbox is stuffed full. I will only give the choice cuts, unless I just can't stop...


reveals the location of the coin.Stupid, I said with more bravado than I felt. Wont work here. Notwith all the coins you have made-

this shows the inherent dangers of trying to bluff Granny away from that nickel-slot machine you just KNOW is going to hit big. Say it loud and have the pit boss drag her away on suspected counterfitting. Then pray for no whammies. And pray for your soul.

courtyard the young man looked around, then spotted a large leathernbucket.I need that, he said.

I need a leather bucket too. Don't know that it would work, but it would be REALLY cool to have.

galactic mail order. Spend! The more you spend the better.His eyes glowed with musical fervor. Do you mean that?Absolutely. Check with Admiral Benbow who will authorize all

Galactic mail order? Can you imagine the shipping and handling charges from the Nubari system? Unless Admiral Benbow is spotting that, I am sticking w/Amazon, TYVM.

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CIA viscosity? If you dare to question the CIA's viscosity, you damn sight better threonine topologize. And how.

just this one time. And never again.Millions might believe that, I sneered disbelievingly. Isnt ittime you told me what the job is?

The job? Isn't that a Denis Leary movie? Or was it a show? I like Denis Leary.

You have to understand that keeping the galactic peace is our roleand our goal. This is not always possible. There are sometimesindividuals, even groups, that are impervious to our attentions.

yeah, it is hard to keep the galactic peace, what with the exorbinant prices they charge on shipping and handling.

away in the opposite direction and around the bend.The guard stationed there lowered his gun and pointed it at my beltbuckle.

THE BELT BUCKLE IS INNOCENT!! I DRAGGED HIM INTO THIS LIFE OF CRIME!! SHOOT ME IF YOU MUST, BUT SPARE THE BELT BUCKLE!!!!!

the barrel of his weapon grinding into my side.That sounds like absolute waffle to me. The truth, now, or you aredead.

waffles sound like guns? No wonder Atkins went low carb. Sure bacon can give you a heart atack, but at least it won't SHOOT YOU! And I think the pancakes have a shiv.

I never found out what I was going to catch because at that moment Iheard the dragging footsteps coming from the hall.Sound?

Dude! Look out behind you! It's the waffles, and they are PISSED!

With a last wail and a writhe of purple fog the sun rose majesticallybehind us and the music trickled to an end.The silence stretched and stretched-until it was finally broken by a

Say it with me..."THUNDEROUS FART!!!!!!!!!"

Zeal without knowledge is the sister of folly It is a silly fish that is caught twice with the same baitDrink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well. For jealousy is the rage of a man: therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance.Never guh a store ah night fuh buy black cloth.Opportunities always look bigger going than coming You get out of life what you put into itA lie well stuck to is as good as the truth.

this one is actually pretty decent advice, except for the 3rd sentence. Make sure you only acknowledge the sentences as ended by a period and not a change in thought, and you will see what I mean. I'll wait...Yup. You got it. Learn it. Live it. KNOW it.

by being in the Presence. They swayed and waved their hands in the airand fought to keep silent. But when Iron John joined us in the Powerchorus they cheered and howled and sang right along with him. When the

Iron John and the Powerchorus. When Powerchorus is one word like that, I like to imagine that it is some kind of cavalcade of superheroes, banded together to fight the evil that one man cannot overcome. Take THAT Magneto!

You are right, monsieur, it is not with you that I have anythingto do; it is with Madame. Duke, you already know that it is not I who caused you to bewritten to. crieddArtagnan, seizing her hands, and surveying her with an ardentglance, come, be more generous. He was informed of it by a letter, written to him by theabductor himself. Who knows, when I shall be at liberty,that I may not satisfy your curiosity? Placed where he was, dArtagnan could not perceive the face ofAramis. Bonacieux knocked, as at the shutter, three light and regulartaps. At the same time, and with the rapidity of lightning, thestranger drew his. He was informed of it by a letter, written to him by theabductor himself. He was right; at the end of some seconds two sharp taps wereheard inside. Brave, rash, and enterprising, this was notthe first time he had risked his life in such attempts. But be of good cheer;with certain people, everything comes round. Come, then, let us go to your friends house. He had not gone twenty steps before he became convinced that thewoman was really Mme. Bonacieux looked earnestly at the young man. In each there was anenemy to contend with, and contributions to be levied. And you did not know that it was inhabited by a young man? The Musketeer advanced two steps, and pushed dArtagnan asidewith his hand. And when he shall have informed him, and Monsieur Laporte iscome? Bonacieux,with a half-smile which was not exempt from a tinge ofimpatience. You speak very suddenly of love, monsieur, said the youngwoman, shaking her head. Have you any friend whose clock is too slow? In a court of justicethat is called an alibi. That was dArtagnans road, as he wasgoing to the Louvre. Then today, madame--Oh, today, I am no further than gratitude. Bonacieux; the man resembled Aramis so much as to be mistaken forhim. Which was illuminated by a lamp which threw itslight over all that part of the bridge. Germain, incompany with Athos, Porthos, and Aramis, to whom dArtagnan hadoften remarked this. Hardly, however, hadhe taken ten steps before he returned. In each there was anenemy to contend with, and contributions to be levied. The mercer hadsaid that he was rich; the young man might easily guess thatwith so weak a man as M. I have sent for three of my friends, but who knowswhether they were at home? That depends upon thesentiments with which you may inspire me. We have observed that youngcavaliers received presents from their king without shame.

Just read this while hearing Tim Curry's voice in your head. Yeah, NOW it works for you, doesn't it?

Friday, July 28, 2006

Friday July 28th, 2006

I have to actually do some work here at my job today (I have been seriously slacking), so let's get right to it.

glasses.Take the prisoners to Interview nine at once.The petty officer of our guard protested. Not regulation, sir. They

It's like a "Choose Your Own Adventure" story. I expected to keep reading and see "If the petty officer allows them to pass to Interview nine go to page 58, if not go to page 49". I think he stopped them.

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If you use enough big words, people will think that you are smart. "Umm, POTENTATE! GUBENATORIAL!"...

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believe it or not, this is verbatim from a guy I saw preaching from the lip of the waterfalls at the Inner Harbor in Baltimore back when I used to work downtown. I gave him a dollar.

Nah everything scholar know he learn from teacher.The cobra will bite you whether you call it cobra or Mr Cobra There's no place like home.A disposition towards inquiry deprived the feline of its vital state. To give subtilty to the simple, to the young man knowledge and discretion.

Now FOCUS Danielsan. BANZAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Two Dogs Fight for a Bone, and a Third Runs Away With it Familiarity breeds contemptAge is a very high price to pay for maturity For they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck.

Speaking of quotes and preaching, isn't this from Jon Lithgow's character in Footloose? Right before he allows the kids (especially his daughter) to dance? And don't you miss Chris Penn? I do.

Don't count your chickens before they're hatched .
An old Ox makes a straight furrow
No man is wise at all times
A good tree brings forth good fruit.
Life is like a drawing pin - sharp at one end, and flat at the other
Once in a blue moon
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned
No matter how long a log stays in the water it does not become a crocodile
Love sees no faults.
Things can only get better
Love is the strangest thing
Count your blessingsA slap on the back is only a few inches away from a kick in the butt.Laughter is the closest distance between two peopleTo the world you may be one person but to one person you may be the world

Okay, who else wants a fortune cookie now?

32 Hide thy face from my sins,and blot out all mine iniquities. 11 Let us look back upon thosethings that have happened fromthe beginning. 23 And again he saith, I am asthe smoke of the pot. 18 Day and night manifest aresurrection to us. 1 What rules are given for leading a holy life. Ye see, beloved,how there was not only faith, butprophesy too in this woman. And yet hesteadfastly beholding the glory ofGod, says with all humility, I amdust and ashes. Shall we be slothfulin well-doing, and lay asideour charity? Did not Moses before know whatshould happen? 4 He is despised and rejected ofmen; a man of sorrows and acquaintedwith grief. 3 Keep thy tongue from evil,and thy lips that they speak noguile. 18 Remember the words of ourLord Jesus, (how he said, Woe tothat man by whom offences come). 16 From him came our LordJesus Christ, according to theflesh. This is the gate of the Lord,the righteous shall enter into it. 5 They were cast into prison,but they were cast in by those thatwere unholy. 5 Nor was this any new thing;seeing that long before it waswritten concerning bishops anddeacons. 11 For nothing is impossiblewith God but to lie. 9 But let us be kind to oneanother, according to the compassionand sweetness of him that made us. 5 Whither then shall any onego; or whither shall he run fromhim that comprehends all things? For I acknowledgemy transgressions, and my sin isever before me. There is no speech norlanguage where their voice is notheard. 8 Our wives let us direct, to dothat which is good. 8 Our wives let us direct, to dothat which is good. or who shallresist the power of his strength? 31 Make me to hear joy andgladness, that the bones whichthou hast broken may rejoice. 32 Hide thy face from my sins,and blot out all mine iniquities. 3 By his Almighty power hefixed the heavens, and by hisincomprehensible wisdom headorned them. 12 For what was prepared forthem, the righteous did eat; andthey shall not be delivered fromevil. 2 We must therefore be readyand forward in well-doing: forfrom him are all things. 7 The righteous cried, and theLord heard him, and deliveredhim out of all his troubles. HE that has the love that is inChrist, let him keep thecommandments of Christ. 1 What rules are given for leading a holy life. 14 Of a truth yet a little whileand his will shall suddenly beaccomplished. Was it notbecause that through faith hewrought righteousness and truth? Or whatworld shall receive any of thosewho run away from him? 39 For thou desirest not sacrifice,else would I give it; thoudelightest not in burnt-offerings. 17 Let all deceitful lips becomedumb, and the tongue that speakethproud things. 5 He also by his appointment,commanded all the living creaturesthat are upon it, to exist. 7 The righteous cried, and theLord heard him, and deliveredhim out of all his troubles. 4 He is despised and rejected ofmen; a man of sorrows and acquaintedwith grief.

...And now a reading from the Gospel according to Hormel. Actually, it would have had a better chance of convincing me if it didn't mention pot smoke in the third sentence. Damn that was a lot to read. I actually stopped around 18. A big 25 points to anyone who finishes the entire piece and can identify the chapter for the verses.

The Stainless Steel Rats in the flesh! I am trebly blessed!We hummed two bars of All Alone followed by a brisk buck and wing.Which elicited a round of applause from the spectators and a broader

Stainless steel rats bless your treble. Bass remains unworthy of blessing. Or stuffing. I like stuffing.

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Yes, that wraps up the entry for today. But like the Spam promises, I shall be back on Monday with my odorous sunder cox baton. Have a great weekend!

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Thursday July 27th, 2006

I have been noticing that my spam folder is filling up quicker. Cause and effect I guess.

irked, jumped up onto the table and barked. Jumped back to the floorto dodge the swing of a fist.Shut up, one of the men suggested. We are awaiting orders. We are

Yes, it is the original plot pitch for the movie Nell.

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there are many words in here you can use for major points in Scrabble. And just imagine how many would give you the "clear your rack" bonus.

to be a symbol. Part of a myth. A symbol of manhood, maleness. Theprimitive male that lies beneath the surface in all of us.Bang-on, Jim, he said in a low voice. The story is trying to tell

Suddenly I feel all new age and in touch with my primitive masculine side. Hug it out with me bitch.

Milady tried to open the door in order to throw herself out. And now, madame, try to make your peace with God, for you arejudged by men! Nothing makes the futurelook so bright as surveying it through a glass ofchambertin. It is true, however, that it was the shorter andeasier part. Were you not already rich enough--you whopossess nearly a million? And you had no other object in coming to England but to see me? Still further, his confidencein the worthy Picard, at one time so great, diminished dayby day. The cardinal pronounced thesingle word, Hanged! Take care, madame, said the young man, coolly, you will killyourself in jumping. How had he discovered her arrival, and caused her to be seized? You are here in the apartment destined for you, madame. In one case or theother, the trial was soon over. He promised to be back byeight oclock, and eight is striking. Porthos and Aramis remained behind to encounter the jokes ofthe dragoon and the Swiss. A cold sweat burst from the brow of Milady. But the wind was contrary, the sea bad; they tackedand kept offshore. Swear, by your hopes of salvation, to keep hersafely for the chastisement she has merited. In one case or theother, the trial was soon over. He went toward the door and opened it hastily. Indeed, sir, said Milady, you must be either drunk or mad. See what she writes to me, Athos, said he.

Yello. Oh, hi, hon. Keep going it's my wife the producer. Hi, hi hon. So ah... whassup hon? Where are you? What are you doing with him? You what? You're saying to me that you're leaving me for him? This is what you're saying to me? Well, yes, naturally I'm shocked. Of course I'm shocked. I, ah... Does this mean that you're pulling your money out of the show? No. No. I will not find anybody else to put money in this play be... , everyone thinks it's a piece of shit. Where are you now, be... because I'm coming down there right now, I'm gonna bite out both your throats.

When good cheer is lacking, our friends will be packing Bad news travels fast All cassava get same skin but all nah taste same way. When poverty comes in at the door, love flies out of the window If yuh plant plantain yuh can't reap cassava.

Officially the most depressing Irish Drinking Toast ever.

really has been one of those days.I was hungry and thirsty. But even more thirsty for-what? Revenge?No, revenge was a dead end. If not vengeance-what then?

ummm...a nice glass of iced tea? It really helps to beat the heat. No? Lemonade maybe? I'll come back when you are ready to order.

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If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding! How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?!?!?

Everyone stretches his legs according to the length of his coverlet Your day starts with what you say to yourself Only mad dogs and englishmen go out in the midday sun We do not care of what we have, but we cry when it is lost The country is in ruins, and there are still mountains and rivers - japanese proverb We do not care of what we have, but we cry when it is lostWhen Adam delved and Eve span, who was then the gentleman Better late than.. pregnant. Love nature , live lightly

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Henny Youngman! Don't forget the 10:30 show is completely different. Thank you! Try the veal!

Empty sacks will never stand upright The squeaky wheel gets the grease.Bush get ears and dutty get tongue. Old fish and young flesh feed men best As you shall make your bed, so shall you..........mess it up.When Mumma dead family done. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway Never say die

"eat well, stay fit, die anyway Never say die"? If you are going to mix your messages to that degree, could you at least put them in different sentences? I don't know how I am supposed to feel about this? Should I not care, or should I rage against the dying of the light? Either way, I want a beer.

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SOMEBODY got that "word-a-day" toilet paper. Where else would you come up with the word "consanguineous" (isn't that a song from Mary Poppins?)

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I had a case of the BRAMs once. Couldn't get out of bed for almost a week.

And inside it there were four little blobs of light. Green, red,orange and white.What is the significance of this? my inquisitor asked, fingers

DO NOT TAUNT HAPPY FUN BALL.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Wednesday July 26th, 2006

There are a couple of longer ones today, more poems or modern performance art diatribes than anything. But let's get down to it...

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Excuse me, miss? I believe I ordered the LARGE cappuccino!

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Harriett! Har-ri-ett! Hard hearted harbinger of haggis...

Not a real dog, Steengo said, turning away from me. A symbolic doglike everything else you saw. The dog is your body, the thing youorder around, sit up, beg.

Only when you master this principle, Grasshopper, may you leave the compound.

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IT'S ALL BRIT HUME'S FAULT DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!

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Is it just me, or could this be the lyrics to a hidden song on the Best of REM? It has that Michael Stipe "I'm Protesting Something Again" vibe to it.

both sides of the wall have had the treatments. This makes forcontinuity of leadership-And the need for secrecy of each others existence that keeps the

I really wish this one hadn't been cut off where it was. There is definitely something behind the theory that doing wall treatments to both sides of the wall makes for better leaders. If only we had had this nugget of knowledge in 2004. *sigh*

thick leaves below the trees. But no warrior appeared, just the thickand twisted figure of his fester, headdress bobbling, laps moist withflecked .saliva.

Wow, that's heavy Ogre. *snaps fingers repeatedly*

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Anything that uses the phrase "a-kimbo" gets a special place of honor in the pantheon. That is just the way it is.

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PC Load Letter? What the F$@# does that mean?!?

I celebrate his entire catalog.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Tuesday July 25th, 2006

Another day, another set of mind boggling clues to whatever ails you. Now with snarky commentary!!!!!


voice rolled and echoed like thunder. Go-go-GO!I staggered and almost fell as the platform shook and vibrated. Therewas a roar of masculine voices as out from under our feet, brushing

feet brushing? men underneath them? And the beginning of this one, isn't that from a Garth Brooks song?

I don’t wish your account to accumulate all the money in the world. Instead, I wish you to enjoy your job and your life as much as it is only possible!

thanks, but I will take all the money in the world. I have never fully subscribed to that "can't buy happiness" line they always feed us. I bet that it could.

that we are free of here. You are the products of a society that isego destroying instead of being ego building. You suffer from thenegativity that blights lives, weakens cultures, sickens even thestrongest. Do you know what Im talking about?

...no. But I bet that if I had all the money in the world I could buy a dictionary that would explain it to me. And that would make me happy. But until that time, slow down. It's too early and I have not yet had enough coffee. Nihilism makes my brain hurt. You got that Heidegger?

Money can’t buy everything, but it can help you enjoy your life a lot more. Good luck in your trading career – and don’t go spending all that at once!

If I had all the money in the world, I don't know if it would be possible to spend it all at once. It would be fun to try it. And fun brings happiness. Game, set, MATCH!!!! I will have good luck in my trading career, because I am trading debt for all the money in the world. The Midas touch is for wimps!

Monday, July 24, 2006

Monday July 24th, 2006

I want to make it clear that I am not editing these in any way. All spelling and punctuation are exactly as they appear in my Junk Mail folders. If this causes run-on sentences or words strung together, I am not responsible. In my quest to discoverthe secrets of the universe in my spam, I must leave all evidence unaltered. Untainted by my bias as it were. And now on to the next set of clues...

I had no idea.But green had always meant go to me.Cackling hysterically I stabbed down on the green

Lets show them what a pack of real rats can do!With our appearance the assembling audience took heart and movedcloser; latecomers hurried to their places. While we tuned up and

Without looking back our captor marched around the giganticconference table and sat down in the single, high-backed chair there.With a wave of his hand he indicated the two smaller chairs before us.

No. Not my problem. Let the university worry about that. I wasagainst this entire operation from the first. Now it is over and lifewill go on the way it was.

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Come in Tremearne. Can you read me.Sergeant Naenda here. The Captain is off duty this watch. Should Isend for him?

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And no suspicion. Where they will investigate and find the alienartifact and get it back so I can have the antidote. One other thing.Before we start operations I will need three million Interstellar

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I was, and I should have admitted it, but I was still bullheaded andangry and settled for a surly mutter and growl. Mata nodded blithelyas though I had communicated something of importance.

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Usually, by the time I had exited the launch, he would be calling me.Many a terrified shepherd slept soundly this night. But only afterlooking at the picture of the artifact. I dozed between visits and the

been my idea that our mission be known to the minimum few. Heobviously wasnt one of them. I groaned to my feet and stumbled intothe airlock dragging my gear after me; the others following in like

washed out of college, never graduated at all . . .I pointed an accusatory finger. Putting academic credits aside youmust have some value to the Special Corps.

Not really. You were always going to be plucked out of that terminalswimming pool in any case. We just wanted to see how well you did.How did I do?

for such things.Also he would have liked to have a few private words with thesepeople that seemed to know his name and all about him, although he hadnever been them before. He thought their opinion of his adventure mightbe interesting. Elves know a lot and are wondrous folk for news, andknow what is going on among the peoples of the land, as quick as water

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That is from the entire weekend as well as this morning. It looks like Monday's posts will be the longest as a rule.

Have fun deciphering!
BSR

Friday, July 21, 2006

Friday, July 21st, 2006

Some choice cuts for today:

He sniffed loudly. I do not `kid as you say in your simple demotic.I have pictorial proof here, photographs sent back by the expedition.The artifact was uncovered in a stratum at least a million years old

childbirth fanout millard armhole courtney endosperm methodic zeroesbut centimeter giuseppe annoyance derek kline bezel cockatoo

collection of golden tubes and slides, which made some veryinteresting sounds indeed. Most of them, regrettably, of an ear-destroying nature.

A satisfactory interpretation. Good luck.Thanks. And you will keep the other and most pressing matter of acertain injection on the top of your agenda?

my gait noble, my conscience pure.I put on my funky bejeweled spectacles and looked through the door.The ultrasound image was fuzzy. But clear enough to reveal figures

You cant buy love Every body wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die Love is blind Jack of all trades, master of none Teachers open the door, but you must enter by yourself It will all come out in the wash

A Small Spark Makes a Great Fire. After the game, the king and the pawn go into the same box Let sleeping dogs lie. Friendship is like money,easier made than kept

Wheres Steengo?You tell me. I saw him last on the stage. I was sleeping myself,just woke up. Looked around, no Steengo. Found you here snoring away

I dont like it-but all I can sayIs the galaxys wide and I like to strayTo the stars and beyond cause thats my way

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Have a great weekend!

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